1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
