i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
