They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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