Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
