at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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