I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
