I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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