So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
