I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
