Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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