I'm really into asian looking animals
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize