Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
