Is it because I queefed?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Blood and glitter go together right?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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