He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize