The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
