i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
