Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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