Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
