I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
