New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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