Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
