watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
