My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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