false alarm. still invincible.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
