why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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