4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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