Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
