did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
