is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
