You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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