fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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