I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
