everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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