I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
ttyl tear gas
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
