Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
