when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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