Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
