you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
