Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
