what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
