We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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