I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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