Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
