if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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