You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
