at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
