i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
