Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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