i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
