I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
