I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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