who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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