it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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