Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
