she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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