Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
