my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
