And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
