Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
