i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
