i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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