I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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