I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
