he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
