She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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