Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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