he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
