weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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