so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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