Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
