i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
