I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
