I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He better not be in your backpack
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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