Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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