don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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