If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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