Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just pee around me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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