Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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