Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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