I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
