When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
