I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
