Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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