The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
