he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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