At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
