I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
