Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
