We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize