i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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