Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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